Let’s just see what comes after this driving scene. NC (v/o): Well, we’re not! Who the hell is that guy? Okay, whatever. We’re aware of where you’re heading as well as your business there. I will inform the roll-up in places according to your instructions. Military Man #1: The territory here is dangerous. Apparently, a driver is chaperoning The Pringles Guy as he arrives to his destination. By the way, isn’t this just beautifully restored? Every one of those dust spots is left exactly how it was supposed to be. NC (v/o): So our film begins with National Istanbul’s Vacation as we see a car driving through the desert. Go! Oh come on, you’re playing it like an orange! I know that you’re actually green, but I don’t feel like you’re a green. A color director? A color director? What the hell does a color director do? No, not that Rampage, though God knows that’d be more entertaining. NC (v/o): And there’s the title of this train wreck: Rampage. NC: Wow! The Serdar? The Serdar? Man, they’re sparing no expense in this film, are they? NC (v/o): So it starts off with Turkey’s flag, which I think is Pac-Man eating a ninja star as our lead actor is introduced. NC: Well, tie on your headbands and get ready for dialogue that doesn’t match the lip movements. But what is it about this Turkish delight that seems so laughably bad? Thank God there wasn’t a Turkish Deep Throat that’d be really scary. After all, it is coming from the same guy that brought us Turkish Star Wars and Turkish Jaws. Released in 1986, this goofy rip-off of the Stallone series is truly a treasure for any seeker of crap. NC (v/o): This is pretty much just as bad as it sounds. We cut to the title screen and theme music, followed by a montage of movie clips. And that’s why I’m reviewing Turkish Rambo, also known as Rampage! Hey, doesn’t every kid want to grow up to be Rambo? Except for girls? Unless they have gender issues? Well, it turns out the kids in Turkey also did. And welcome to the special bonus DVD review. Nostalgia Critic (NC): Hello, I’m the Nostalgia Critic. Also, every one in the film has English voiceovers, some with accents and others not. ![]() NOTE: I have no clue who some of the characters in the film are.
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